


Standing still, breathing deep

by hopelesslydevoted



Category: Glee RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-07
Updated: 2017-06-07
Packaged: 2018-11-10 05:20:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11120742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hopelesslydevoted/pseuds/hopelesslydevoted
Summary: This ficlet was born at the crossroads of Going Nowhere, Wicked Little Town (Reprise) and my own angsty existence. There isn't much going on in this ficlet aside for heavy feelings.This is written in first person POV. I'm saying it here, as I know not all like it in fanfic.





	Standing still, breathing deep

**Author's Note:**

> This ficlet was born at the crossroads of Going Nowhere, Wicked Little Town (Reprise) and my own angsty existence. There isn't much going on in this ficlet aside for heavy feelings.
> 
> This is written in first person POV. I'm saying it here, as I know not all like it in fanfic.

Sometimes it feels like it never ends.

Sometimes standing still and breathing deep is enough, but sometimes it isn’t. Sometimes my feet are made of led and my lungs filled with dust. There’s no escape, no reprieve, just a day after day after day of rinse and repeat.

Time passes by quick and slow. It never stops. Looking back, it feels like I’m still in that same spot where I was a year ago. Did I walk in circles or did I stand still?

Time passes by quick and slow. People move forward, move on, move past. I’m still here, stuck in the corner of memories and mistakes. I’m always here, always left behind. I’ve been here too long.

Luck has led me here - or left me here. Is it luck, smart or dumb? Or is it fear? The hidden threats of a few, the nasty whispers of a few more? Is it words on a paper? Is it promises and expectations and responsibilities and demands and everything that is just _take, take, take all that I have_?

Maybe.

But then, I look in the mirror at the night and I see. Behind the battle scars, the face of resignation - not always, but more often than not. And scarier yet, the acceptance in the resignation.

Maybe it’s me too.

Maybe.

The guilt and the shame weighs heavy. Too heavy to carry with feet made of led. Too difficult to live with day after day after day.

I try to forgive myself and I do for some of it. What I can’t forgive, I try to forget. I try to forget a lot.

Or maybe it’s just luck.

If luck led me here, it could lead me somewhere better - or just somewhere else. Is there any luck left or was it all used to get right here right now?

I don’t know.

I’m here, standing still and breathing deep. And I am trying to forget _everything_ , because remembering is painful. Remembering breaks me day after day after day. It shatters me into a million sharp pieces in a way that I become the weapon where I was the victim once. And it’s new kind of pain knowing that it is me who is _causing_ the pain.

But I’m still here. I’m alive.

I close my eyes. I breathe in, I breathe out. I listen to the silence drowning in the noise, everyone has something to say, too much to say.

And then, I feel him near me. He takes my hand in his and I remember. He is here with me.

He isn’t the reason I am here, but he is the reason I stay and the reason I _fight_. There is no resignation, after all. There is only the struggle for something that would be worth a lifetime of struggle or more.

I lay my head on his shoulder. I lean against his side. I entwine my fingers with his. Here is my somewhere safe. Here is my home.

And I listen. It is his voice that I’m waiting to hear, his words telling me what to do and where to go. He doesn’t say anything. He just hums as if in agreement when I rub my face against his shoulder and squeeze his hand a little tighter.

This is how it is right here right now.

If I’m stuck here waiting for whatever, at least I’m stuck here with him. And if I can’t go anywhere, then there is no place I’d rather be than right here with his hand in mine, standing still and breathing deep.


End file.
